its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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