Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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