so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
