Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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