Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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