He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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