you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
