omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
how does that bad decision feel?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
