I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
