we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
