It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
