I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
