Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
