At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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