the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
