Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
