alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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