I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
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the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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