Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
