Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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