how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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