I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
