and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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