well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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