i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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