you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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