I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
