I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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