so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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