drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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