If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize