you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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