piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
