i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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