At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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