I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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