we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
