So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
