Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
