i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
