Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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