YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
