Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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