Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
