That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
