I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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