The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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