Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
