i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
