Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
