haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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