she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my being single is dangerous.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
