Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
