So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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