I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
