i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize