dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
