I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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