i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
