I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
