i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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