Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
