in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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